Hey there! What’s been going on with you guys?!  Oh, how I’ve missed chatting with you! I have been super busy lately, but honey, I’m back like I never left! (I’ve always wanted to say that, LOL!) Listen, I wanted to share an experience that I had a few weeks ago with you. I spent a weekend in Atlanta, GA with some of the most bold, confident, and beautiful people I’ve ever encountered. I went to an event called The Curvy Fashionista Style Expo! https://thecurvyfashionista.com/events/tcfstyle-expo/ 

“The TCFStyle Expo, is a body-positive fashion event that takes online conversations about plus-size fashion and advocacy, offline. Independent and mainstream fashion brands are represented here, and women & men bond over style, entertainment and empowerment.”

(TCFStyle Expo, 2019)

I had an AH-Mazing time!! I got a great big dose of self-care, self-love, and self-acceptance all rolled in one little weekend getaway. Being around all of these women and men who were so comfortable in their skin was refreshing and so empowering! The entire time I was there, I was thinking “These are my PEOPLE!”

Along with becoming inspired, being at this event reminded me of a time that I was not so comfortable in my own skin. I remember how I’d go shopping and say things like, “I’ll dress cute when I lose weight.”, “If only I had that hourglass shape.”, or “NOTHING looks good on me!” I literally functioned under the mindset that if I wasn’t a certain smaller size, then it was impossible for me to like the way I looked. Now, understand that plus size fashion options have come a looooong way over the years. I mean, we had like 3 stores to choose from back then, but there were still plenty of decent options.

After many years of disappointing trips to the mall, and fitting room failures, I began to suspect that the problem may not be the selection of clothes, but maybe my perception of myself. You see, growing up, I was usually the largest girl in the class, easily one of the largest young ladies on campus in college, and likely the largest woman in my area at any given place I worked. For the longest, I felt like my being a larger woman was a problem. I honestly felt like I needed to apologize for my size. Worse than that, I’d allowed the negative connotation of being a larger woman become the ongoing theme of my life! I didn’t do anything without thinking about my weight. Grocery shopping, church, the gym, social and family gatherings…they all centered around my size. I would avoid going places because I didn’t want to inconvenience anyone by needing to squeeze pass them to get where I was going, or God forbid, if I had to sit in a tight seat, and my hips touched someone! Oh, and there was even a period of time that I completely avoided stepping foot in a movie theater!

Now, I know all of this may sound a bit extreme, but that was how I lived my everyday life, and let me tell you, it was not much of a life at all. So, how did I “get over” the issue with my size? How did I learn to accept and love the parts of me that were so seemingly flawed? Well, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed or not, but there are two actions that I take when I’m dealing with an issue. I’m either going to journal through it, or ask myself the tough questions that I’ve been avoiding about the issue. Often, I do both!

I decided to ask myself a few tough questions. I explored some of the thoughts I had about my figure and while doing this, I learned something that changed the direction of how I saw myself. I realized that most of the negative things I said to myself weren’t even my own words! Please sit with that for a minute…The negative self-talk that I’d repeated to myself over and over again, was literally things that other people had said to me over the years. You guys…this blew my mind! All of this time, I’d been rehearsing OTHER people’s issues with how I looked! I’d never taken the time to form my own opinion, or find my own voice about myself.

I began to really think hard about how I felt about myself. Quite honestly, it took some time…like weeks, to really process all of what I’d discovered. One day, sort of randomly while I was getting dressed, I took a good look in the full length mirror, and told told myself how beautiful I was. It started out as just something I was saying, but I felt the need to keep going, so I just went with it! Now, you may be thinking, “Chrissy is staring in the mirror, talking to herself…this just got weird.” Listen, they say if you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done. Well, I’d never had real confidence in my figure, and darnit’ I was determined to get some! Lol! As I stared in the mirror, I called out the places that I thought were downright cute and attractive. I told them how much I liked them. I looked at the places that needed a little worked. I laughed and said something like, “Now you need a little help, but you’re still cute! Come on, we’re gonna work together!” That one uncomfortable action, was a huge turning point. It was the beginning of my journey to total body love and acceptance. It put me in control of determining what I thought about myself, rather than personifying other people’s thoughts about me. And guess what. I STILL stand in the mirror and talk to myself today!

As I’ve said before, this self-love thing is journey. Sometimes we get lost on our journeys, and have to use tools like this to find our way back. On days that I’m not feeling myself, I march my hips right over to that mirror and and say something sweet to myself. Are there parts of me that I’m still a little uncomfortable with? Absolutely! But, I’m no longer allowing imperfections to run my thoughts or my life! I have too much living and loving to do to give something so insignificant that much power…and so do you!

Now, you may not have an issue with your body image, but I believe this “mirror conversation” can be used in many areas. Think about something you feel like you don’t do so well, or a place where you don’t feel like you measure up. Are those really your thoughts, or are you simply repeating what someone has told you about yourself in that area? You own the power to change the way you think about yourself in any given situation. (Read that again.) I found it helpful to actually look at myself in the mirror and speak positively. You may enjoy saying positive things about yourself aloud without the mirror, or simply jotting positive things about yourself down in a journal. Whatever you decide to do will be a beautiful step in the right direction! Let me know how you decide to start, and keep me posted on what you discover!