The Wake-Up Call

A few years ago, I decided to return to graduate school. I had it all planned out. I knew the days I would commute, the routes I’d take, and the times I needed to be on the road. I’d planned everything, except the impact such a consuming goal would have on my day to day life. You see, I was working full-time as a social worker, and the commute to class was about 1.5 hours, one way. About six months into my program, I found myself being tired all the time, easily irritated, and combatting random skin breakouts. One night, during my commute home from class, I was interrupted by a loud thumping sound. Seconds later, I realized that I was drifting off the highway! At that moment, I knew something had to change. While I was trying to meet deadlines for class assignments, be productive at work, and be present for family and friends, I was ignoring the signs my mind and body were so desperately trying to show me.  The impact of my new reality came barreling down on me, and it was in that moment, I knew something had to change, and forfeiting the pursuit of my MSW was not an option. 

How Do I Fix This?!

My unwillingness to fold and good night’s rest got me to thinking…There had to be a way I could restructure my days without hitting empty or running on fumes every single night.  I did a few google searches, and this idea of “self-care” became somewhat of a theme.  Initially I felt a little dissatisfied with my search results since I, of course, already knew what “self-care” was, or so I thought.  I’d envisioned something along the lines of treating yourself to something nice; maybe a massage, or an overdue pedicure or something, right?  Wrong…well, kind of wrong, at least.  The more I researched, and started embracing a new understanding of this sort of broad concept, the more I realized my idea could use an upgrade…from economy to at least business class.

What I Learned About Myself

Although I’d been “treating myself” to experiences that appeared to be self-care, I came to understand that something was missing.  It was beyond “surface activities.”  There was something deeper, something internal that I had not been addressing. Self-care starts from the inside out. What do I mean by this? It starts with our core beliefs; what we believe to be true about ourselves. I had to ask myself some tough questions and face down some even tougher truths. In evaluating my core beliefs, I found that my greatest barrier to practicing self-care was acknowledging that I didn’t value myself. I really didn’t think I deserved the same care and compassion I found myself giving so freely to others.  I was, in essence, pouring from an empty cup.  I couldn’t give myself what I didn’t have.  If you’ve ever ran out of gas, you know…fumes will get you little to nowhere.  As I reflected on my new undertaking of graduate school, I had to accept that I needed to make some major changes in how I cared for myself if I was going to be successful.

It sounds a little funny to me now, but during that time, I really didn’t think I deserved anything “extra” from life. In my mind, I hadn’t accomplished enough. I hadn’t done enough to deserve a break. I hadn’t “arrived” yet, so I didn’t deserve to take a moment for my well-being. All along, I was missing the fact that the only qualification needed to deserve care is to exist! That’s it!  If you’ve made it this far, this has spoken to you.  Do yourself a favor and let that penetrate your spirit.  The only qualification you need to deserve care is your existence! 

The truth is, we all have a tendency to take care of things we value…whatever it is.  It’s nearly impossible to take good care of something that you don’t consider to be valuable because typically it’s not worth the effort. Think about the things in your possession right now. Think about that one thing you love the most. It could be that car you worked so hard to purchase, your beautiful engagement ring, or that family heirloom passed down from your grandparents. How do you treat it? I’d bet that you take good care of it because it’s precious. Treating it well is second nature. It’s valuable to you. Does this item have to do anything extra for you to take good care of it? Probably not. You take good care of it because you have deemed it as something of value.

Well, that’s exactly what I had to do. I had to decide that I was valuable. I had to decide that I was precious. I had to decide that I was worth it. I’ve accepted that this internal work that we do is so much more than a destination, but a journey.  Believe me, I’ll be sharing more about the “work” I’m doing with you in upcoming posts! Until then, here’s a little challenge for you. Take some time out this week to reflect on your core beliefs and how they may affect your self-care habits. You may be surprised at what you learn about yourself!